I’m sitting alone in my small and crowded house, surrounded by my desolate city of 65000 people, looking towards my window that is coverd by it’s drapes, perplexed at the enormity of the small thing we call life. Perplex and beffudled, wishing for the complexingly simple life of the oompa lumpa, the premeditated formulated life of the Boondocks family, the gloriously deceptive freedom of the Easyriders bikers, any thing but the life of the middle class family in the Bible Belt of America. Knowing that it would be so simple to reach up and turn the welcome sign off on the front door, to walk away from the situations that cause so much turmoil, to abandon the ones that I am told I am challenging to grow, and to move on to a place where I can pretend for a while to fit in.
For my readers that don’t attend church on a regualr basis you are probably really scratching your head right now, trying to figure out what on earth I am going off about, but for those that are in the same boat as me, you probably have had the same blenderized thoughts in your head at some point in time.
I’m not saying my church is bad, or even at a bad point, I’m just at one of those points in my life that I’m lookin at my surroundings and looking at myself and not seeing how the two really mesh. My wife tells me that i am affecting people in ways I don’t see, but I’m not seeing the return in that investment, instead I feel the drain and frustrations of trying to find a way to make myself force this trapazoid peg into the square hole. I don’t think there is an answer, not really, I don’t really know what lies in wait for me on the other side of this hump, hill, mountain, whatever it is. But I sat here tonight in my kinship group listening to a woman tice my age (technically she’s 58 so she is 2 years shy) voice the same frustrations as me, telling the group she is at the same place as me, but she is vocalizing it.
OK, so what hope is there? What does one do when they begin to see the church as a whole has fallen asleep, gone dormant in society, refuses medical treatment, and despises you for trying to arouse them from their slumber? I am so so so far from being an example of what it “should” look like, but I’m trying, I’m putting forth effort, and I encouorage others to do the same. I know I’m not alone in this journey, but it seems as if I’m alone here, at least I’m alone in what my heart is passionate about. I’m tired of the sub par, I’m tired of going with the program just because it’s the program, I’m tired of being frustrated.
I guess I’m just venting, I have this soapbax, it’s mine, I can use it for what I will, dialogue with me though on this one, what are your veiws on where the church in America is, compared to where we say we beleive we should be, and what do you do with that?