WIBMAID – revisited

I’ve been asked a few times now to bring back one of my favorite original post, so I decided to repost it with a few minor additions: 

Well Intentioned But Misinformed Adoption Ignorance Disorder

Otherwise known as WIBMAID

We have all suffered the loving words of our fellow WIBMAID’s and many times they are the people we were depending on the most. Unfortunately WIBMAID is a disorder that only shows it’s signs of infection when those who have WIBMAID open there mouths and speak around those that are adopting. Equally as disturbing is how contagious it is, and how fastly it can spread.

Some of the more common signs of WIBMAID are:

-referring to the difference between biological and adopted as “real” and “other”

-imagination of an instant bonding process that the children fell like they owe you their love and gratitude for “saving them”

-explanations of why birth mothers deserve FMLA for the birth of their kids while adoptive mothers need to remain at work

-any conversation including the theme of “bringing bad blood into the family”

-the mentality that the adoptive children should forget their birth heritage and ethnicity and become only the new adoptive families heritage and ethnicity

-the assumption that because you adopt you must be infertile

-the assumption that all adopted kids grow up to be social inept or criminals
-morons that use racist language (about your child’s race) around you because of your ethnicity

-use of the terms Oreo, ladybug, Klondike bar, or any of the other derogatory racist remarks that denote they are one race on the outside, but another on the inside

-the mentality that ones grammar, education, personal likes and dislikes determine ones ethnicity

-the refusal to acknowledge the love of the birth family for the child

-the insistance that you are placing your family at risk by the adoption

-the insistance that you are being a bad parent by traveling to your childs birth country

Some of the more common people to be infected with WIBMAID are your best friends, your parents, your siblings and your religous leaders. Although you will run into the symptomatic displays of WIBMAID from total strangers in the mall and grocery store, it will not have any where as near of an impact as when you find yourself sittin on your own couch hearing it in your own living room.

There are no quick cures other than what I refer to as Pavlov’s Dog meets Churchill’s Stick, but this method has a tendency to wind you up in jail. But for the sake of remaining scientific in my approach to this I will explain. It’s a very simple process. Go to the home improvement store and buy a 2×4 about 4 feet long. Take a knife, a saw, anything with a blade will work and create a handle that you can comfortably grip with both hand on one end of the 2×4. Carry this 2×4 with you at all time and whenever anyone shows any of the signs of WIBMAID swing as hard as you can aiming directly for the side of their head. When they regain consciousness explain to them they are showing signs of WIBMAID and you will have to continue this treatment process every time they exhibit any signs of the disorder. Pretty soon you will notice less people show signs of WIBMAID and that people have a certain respect that can only be gained by carrying around a bloody 2×4. You may also find your self having fewer conversations with fewer people, and I hear that Social Workers don’t look too kindly upon receiving jail time mid adoption process.

For those looking for other remedies you can try education. Most of the signs of WIBMAID can be alleviated by simple education, but this requires your time and their willingness to be open to change. There are many places on the internet that you can point people to to receive this education. I have found that those that have received a copy of this particualr explanation of WIBMAID got the point and either pursued a cure or discontinued the relationship that you clearly  don’t really want to have in the first place. There are some that are so ravaged by WIBMAID that in order for the health of your new family you will need to limit contact with these people. Prolonged exposure to those that suffer from WIBMAID can have very detrimental effects to adoptive children.

Unfortunately WIBMAID is transmitted orally, the young and weak minded are the most susceptible. Although Lysol does work if you spray it directly in the face of those infected with WIBMAID there is no way to know if those within earshot of the WIBMAID outburst have been infected. There is no way to know one is infected until they infection manifest.

Luckily there are varying degrees of WIBMAID. For the most part you will only run into slightly to moderately infected sufferers from WIBMAID. Although you will be tempted to allow their infection to go untreated you do not have this option. You as a parent are only slightly affected by the WIBMAID infection, it causes slight irritation, and blood pressure to rise in the normal adoptive parent. For the adoptive child it causes a sever drop in self esteem, a sense of self worthlessness and feeling of insecurity. As the parent your job is to create a safe and secure environment for your child and they are looking to you to protect them from those that suffer form WIBMAID. Unfortunately is seems as if the ones that suffer from extreme WIBMAID tend to be direct family and very close long time friends. If one chooses to use the path of education you must begin the process well before the child ever meets them. A single comment from a Grandparent with WIBMAID can have an impact on that child that will be with them for the rest of their lives. Many times it is necessary to inform family members that suffer from WIBMAID that they are to have limited or no contact with the child until they are free from infection. With any contact with family that suffers from WIBMAID you must be super vigilant. The child will be watching you to see whose side you are really on, theirs or the sufferer of WIBMAID. Your response to their infection will let them know just how “safe” and “secure” their new home really is.

Please take a stand with me, and sign your committment to the eradication of WIBMAID in our childrens lives. Please use the comment section to sign your support for the eradication of this horrible malady.

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7 Responses to “WIBMAID – revisited”

  1. OMG!!! i am laughing and crying and shouting yes! i have a list that i’ve typed up that’s sitting in my saved

  2. OMG!!! i am laughing and crying and shouting yes! i have a list that i’ve typed up that’s sitting in my saved posts. been a little chicken to post it. we’ve been in the process for two years (still waiting for a referral) and it seems like those i care about the most have said the most hurtful things. i will definately share with my adoption group. thanks for the humor. God definatley gives it when i need it.

  3. Still great the second time around! I’m passing this along to an adoptive friend.

  4. can I have your permission to add this to my Christmas newsletter! Holy Cow this is perfect…..I have found that most of the people in my life who have shown these characteristics look so dumbfounded when I become “angry” at their “well meaning remark/question/statement”…..and of course they always follow up with “I didn’t mean it like that, you have to understand…….”…..that is when the stick would come in handy.
    Meg

  5. What about the person who tells you it isn’t right for you to ask for financial donations to help you complete your adoption? If you can’t pay to adopt them, how will you ever be able to afford them once you bring them home? Why should someone else help you pay to “buy a kid?”

  6. […] Avery reposts his WIBMAID (Well Intentioned But Misinformed Adoption Ignorance Disorder) post; still funny the second time […]

  7. […] just a note…this one of the first things that i wrote, but for some reason couldn’t post it. i’ve rewritten it several times thinking that maybe a bad day or PMS or tiredness may have affected my thoughts. the original title was bitter childless train…i’m on board, but i’m hoping that after the rewrites it doesn’t sound so bitter. also, i read this, and was laughing and crying so much that you may just want to read it instead. […]

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